Identity
by emmywren
Summary: A collection of random scenes set along the Knights of the Old Republic 1 storyline. Light side Female/Carth.


**_AN:_**_ I know this game is ancient but I loaded it up the other day for a laugh and I'd forgotten how much I loved the characters, so I ended up writing bits of drabble in word, and for some reason decided to upload! If you stumble across this somehow (you crazy nostalgic people haha) then I hope you enjoy. Not really meant to be taken too seriously, just bits and pieces.  
__Obviously, characters and universe belong to BioWare, LucasArts and Mr George Lucas himself. I'm playing with their toys, and made up the personality of Aerilyn Gray (My F!Revan)_

* * *

_Revan?_

An unfamiliar voice slithers through my mind like a snake. I try to shake it, to tell it that it has no place in my mind but it whispers again.

_Open your mind Revan._

Revan? It's a name I know but one that has never been applied to me. Dark shadows swarm to embody the voice; soon I see two menacing figures before me, both tall and cloaked in layers of armour. My teeth clench at the sight, people like them mean trouble…the kind of trouble that gets innocents killed.

"The Republic will not change, they never have! Why do you delay our attack?" One of them speaks, addressing the smaller of the two. Frustration is etched in his grating voice and I listen intently from the shadows. He is concealed in blood red armour save his head which is ghostly pale, only marked by a faint tattoo trailing along his bald scalp. His voice sends an uneasy shiver down my spine but I supress the growing urge to flee.

"Patience, Malak. There is no sense in complete annihilation, it is not and never will be our purpose" The second speaks; a smooth female voice that is both cool and calculated with none of the impulsiveness her companion possesses. Her petite form is robed in black, the elaborate lightsaber strapped to her waist immediately marking her as a threat, and despite her small build there is a chilling power that seeps from her like a fog.

She turns to confront me suddenly as if aware of another presence and I see no face in the hood draped over her head, only a metal mask, as cold as her voice. I freeze in fear as the cloaked figure slithers toward me, hand outstretched, dark energy rippling between her long fingers. I try to scream but the sound is distorted by the sudden pressure closing on my throat. My limbs flail, vision blurs, terror ignites my every thought as I struggle for air.

"Aerilyn!"

I lurch forward at the sound of my name, hands flying to my throat while I slowly realise that I'm not dying. My legs are tangled with bed sheets and the nightmare takes a few moments to fade away completely.

No, not nightmare. No dream I'd ever had felt that real. _Vision_. Just like the one on Taris.

"…definitely not my memories this time…the Council will…hmm…"

The voice that woke me belongs to a stern-faced woman pacing the small cabin that has come to be our shared bedroom. Her appearance startles me, she is usually immaculate in every way, even in sleep, but as her piercing blue eyes dart around the room I see how truly exhausted she looks. She runs a hand through her dishevelled brown hair in agitation, muttering something else under her breath.

"Bastila?" My voice is dry and I rub a hand over my face roughly in an attempt to dispel the fatigue threatening to overwhelm me.

"We need to get to Dantooine as quickly as possible" the jedi declares with a sense of urgency. As this is already our planned destination her tone confuses me.

"We're on our way Bastila but if it's that urgent I can check our ETA with Carth" I say tiredly, trying to be patient but still a little shaken by the strange nightmare. I should probably be more bothered by the jittery temperament of the woman in front of me but ever since we rescued her on Taris she's been on edge, so I remain unfazed by her half-naked patrol round our quarters.

As if only just realising I'm in the room she turns sharply to face me. "You were screaming in your sleep…you…you saw them too?" she asks me hesitantly, her eyes bore in to mine, studying me warily as if I were a wild Akk dog ready to pounce.

"Yes, how did you…?" I ask, still trying to wrap my head around the muddled situation that is constantly changing before us, and the fact that I've apparently been sharing dreams, or visions, with a crazy self-important jedi.

"I don't know" Bastila says slowly, mulling over the words with a grimace, "but the sooner we get to Dantooine the better. Go check on Onasi." She grabs a towel from her footlocker, turns on her naked heel and marches out of the room, door hissing shut behind her.

I feel my face pull into a scowl. My temper is starting to wane, and a snooty young woman giving me orders isn't helping, but I snatch some clothes from my locker and make my way to the cockpit regardless.

" 'Sup Laserbrain?" I throw at the pilot casually, the man is uptight at best and I take delight in the fact that these sorts of comments irritate him. He lets out a sigh and even though I'm standing behind him I just _know_ he's rolling his eyes.

"I presume you're here for a good reason?" he says, polite but strained.

"Princess got all worked up by a dream and wants to know how far out we are from Dantooine" I slouch down into the co-pilot's chair and start flicking my hands over the Ebon Hawk's instruments, I don't know what it is about ships but they just come naturally to me. Maybe it's the gentle purr of the engines or the safe enclosed spaces. Either wayhe Hawk really is a brilliant ship.

I can feel her pilot's eyes on me now and I know I'm about to get more than our ETA.

"Another 40 minutes or so…" he pauses, eyes darting over my face as I continue to fix mine on the console before me. Here we go. Come on Carth Seriously-Paranoid Onasi, out with it. "What do you mean worked up by a dream?" as I suspected, his husky voice is laced with obvious suspicion.

"She woke me up and started pacing around the cabin in her panties, babbled something about the jedi council then ordered me to come check on you, so here I am" I can tell my voice is just a little too irritated and my hands are just a little too twitchy because he continues to stare at me, obviously unconvinced.

"Doesn't explain how you know Bastila was worked up over a dream"

"I don't know, maybe because she was strutting around all dishevelled and robe-less?"

"You said you were sleeping too"

"Force, Onasi, could you be any more paranoid?" I throw my hands in the air and shoot him a glare that I'd only recently developed during our heated interludes on Taris. I'm a make-it-up-as-you-go smuggler who usually gets on well with other people and enjoys taking life with a pinch of adventure. He's a mature Republic pilot with major trust issues and a giant stick up his ass. Guess it's easy to see why our conversations usually end in raised voices and scowls.

Carth chooses to ignore my comment and sits back in his chair, still studying my face with those wary dark eyes. _Very nice dark eyes_, an impish voice in my head notes before I can shoo it away. _No, Aerilyn, just no._ I try to banish the not-strictly-platonic observations of the pilot's dark, angular features from my mind. Luckily for me, he's being irritating enough to make that task fairly easy.

"You had the same look on your face when you woke up on Taris, saying you had a strange dream, and I can tell when someone's shaken up, so I'm guessing there's more to this than you're letting on. I told you, I never take things at face value." He says pointedly and I let out a heavy sigh, still unable to fully erase the faceless wrath of the dark jedi from my mind.

"So, what's going on then?" he persists.

"I don't know Carth!" For the second time that hour I scrub my face with a fidgety hand. "I wish you'd stop treating me like a damned suspect"

"Look, I'm sorry. We've already been over this, you know why I don't trust people…and it's just…" he's hesitant and I look up to see conflict behind his eyes.

"What?"

"Well, I've shared a lot of my past with you and that was hard for me, but I don't know a thing about you that I didn't learn first-hand. Half the time I don't know what to expect, and we're in this crazy, dangerous situation together but I've got a total stranger watching my six"

The words sting a little as I realise how hypocritical I've been around him. This change of subject is not what I anticipated and is coincidentally something I've been avoiding since our escape from the Endar Spire. My eyes fall from his face and resume their idle study of the flight controls beneath my fingers. Carth had been open with me, after a fair amount of harassment on my part, and yeah he's uptight but underneath all that I know without a doubt that he is a good man, that I trust him with my life. It's painfully obvious now that I haven't given him the same reassurances, I haven't shown him that trust by talking about my own past, but how can I possibly explain that I don't even remember most of it?

Waking up on the Endar Spire I was thrown into the action without a second to think about anything but the present, but on Taris there were quiet moments where I'd reach for a memory and find none there. I put it down to the escape pod crash, post-traumatic amnesia or something, but that doesn't stop it being extremely unsettling.

"Carth…" I begin, knowing that he deserves an answer but struggling to find one for him. I go with the odd fragments I've been able to summon, even though they seem strangely unfamiliar to me, more like a faceless dossier than actual memories.

"Well…there's not much to tell. Grew up on the streets of Nar Shadaa, learned to fend for myself and ended up being pretty damn savvy with droids and ships as a result. Got involved in a, uh, less than honourable smuggling operation. Then got what I deserved when some of the scum set me up to get caught and I ended up serving my sentence by using my skills to run around for you lot in the Republic. That's about it really." I sniff and pretend to be interested in the nearest holo-screen, hoping that he'll take to the casual tone I'm putting on. I really don't want to talk about this now, or at all actually, it's a little too fresh and frightening for my liking.

It surprises me how much I care about what Carth thinks though, how desperately I want him to trust me. Maybe that's what happens when people are thrown into life threatening situations together, you don't just become friends, it's something much deeper than that because there's so much more at stake. You have to trust each other because any minute your survival might depend on that relationship.

Well, yes, that is true but honestly I know it's not the real reason I want him to trust me. There's something else, and it isn't the fiery craving of lust (though that does send a few shivers down my spine every so often). A warmth that I can't explain flowers at the pit of my stomach and the tips of my ears in a delightfully soft sensation that can only be associated with _him_.

Carth studies me for what seems like an age and it takes a good deal of strength to keep up my casual façade when I'm itching to turn my head and meet his chocolate gaze. Fortunately, years of playing pazaak come in handy and he seems to accept my story, turning back to face the front screen with a short huff of air. I can tell he's not going to let it go, but he's satisfied for now.

Damn it, the man's nearly as stubborn as I am. Somehow that's strangely attractive. _Nuh uh. Down, girl._

I'm saved from the awkward silence that's settled over the cockpit by the sound of Canderous' deep guffaw and a small shriek that could only be from Bastila. Apparently she didn't take her clean robes with her to the shower. I'm tempted to let the mandalorian accost her but some part of me feels bad for the spoilt young woman so I heave myself out of the chair and turn to rescue her.

I risk a quick glance at Carth as I leave, only to jump when I catch him doing the same. Our eyes meet in a moment of mutual embarrassment and I can't help but drink in his handsome features. In that split second I notice a slight curve tugging at the corner of his mouth and when I stride out of the cockpit there's a slight bounce to my step that wasn't there before.


End file.
